I'm confused tonight. I've sorta always known that I wasn't quite normal sexuality-wise, and I've been fine with that. I'm pretty sure that my family is accepting and as far as I know, none of them have any issues about sexuality. So, I always thought that coming out would be easy for me. I chose tonight, just cuz I think that'd be a good idea, and my best friend just came out to her parents.

So guess what, guys? I think I might have lost my mind.
This is my first time posting here, so sorry that it has to be ranting, but... Whatcha gonna do?

So I know I like women. Some women. Haven't met one right one yet, or anything. I don't even like stereotypical beauty, but I have liked women for a long, long time.

You know. Every second of my life it seems like I can't develop more. Back in 4th grade - I thought that puberty was a bunch of bullshit - that all that happens is that you get bigger and grow hair.

Boy was I wrong! I turned out to be attracted to males. I wasn't consciously aware that I was a fag - but that came a year later.

These days I feel I fit the literary/social stereotype of the teenage gay boy. The kind of kid who's the subject of some 'young adult' novel, titled 'Not Like Other Boys' or some such nonsense. I'm intelligent, over-dramatic, struggling with inner demons and fond of Judy Garland. Oy. And, to boot, drooling over a gorgeous hunk of man in my drama class.

My life is going crazy... My sister is having a baby in as little as 2 weeks or as much as 6 weeks. I'm so freaking excited about that! My stepdad is a homophobic racist alcoholic and I hate him with a fiery passion from hell. My nephew (from my OTHER sister) is 4 and a half years old and my mom might be adopting him... He's crazy.

So.. Friday I slept over at Soras place. Which I haven't done for a while. Was fun... I came out to her brother who apparently hasn't heard yet. He was looking at this wrestling stuff and he's asking me if I think those guys are hot at all and I'm all "eww" (Well, they were all overly-buffed and in speedos.

I hate you every time you walk into my room
Because I think your going to yell at me as you did before
I hate you every time you stare
Because I think you're glaring as you did before
I hate you every time you cuss
Because I think you'll blow up as you did before
I hate you everytime you call my name
Because I think you'll blame me as you did before
I hate you when you get mad

I have a job interview on Monday after school...My first ever. God, I am soooo scared...so nervous. I hope I don't fuck up on something. *Shudders* On the other hand, I really hope I get the job (I need to make money somehow, I'm sick of having to ask my parents for money all the time.) I hope it goes good. XD There's always a first for everything, right.

I am watching Wedding Wars Monday night, as well. :)