Dry Confession

“hate is a rather strong word,”
he says, pulling the mug from his lips,
setting it down with a hollow clatter
on the diner’s cold and freckled table.
the mug sits close to the edge.
if i pound my fist on the table,
like i’ve been planning to do
for all these years,
it would fall.
the words “world’s best dad”
would shatter into

i have already traversed techniques
of bearing witness
to your beautiful womanliness
better. bounce. back
before i become your blessed broken woman
based on bending
each other's hearts
begin. no. back. pause. reflect
on her hand manufacturing birth
to this
quiet. wild. love science
this
confused. creative probing
as we practice collective conversation

Father’s Day, 2008

are you god?
because you are everywhere.
i see you all the time:
puddles and mirrors,
picnic tables
and empty parking lots.

half-empty beer cans
breathe your name down my neck;
hallmark made a day for you.

you’re probably still washing yourself
with my power ranger soap.

The blank white page
conjures fear and terror
and the words comfort.
We have questions
with answers buried
beneath truths
contained in the black.
It engulfs and enfolds and encloses.
I emerge
unharmed and transformed and hated.

Destroying boundaries
that have been built with sweat and devolution
will result in death.

With the moon on my tongue, I
taste bitterness and rejection.

The shadow of night washed over me
and I realized I had never before looked properly at darkness.
Not with my eyes, in any case.
There is something cleaner in the darkness than in the light;
Something... unstained by the light of day.

The lights of the city, however, broke my conscious dream
as I glanced back towards it and wished it were gone.

Wretched sinners,
give unto me.
For fags are aplenty
and drugs are for free.
The niggers are rising,
the “sheenies, green” fed.
The “chinks” coming over,
the “A-rabs” are dead.
The US is falling
to a moral unwell
Faggots fighting for freedom,
please don't ask, don't tell.
The “Christians” are arguing
divide of church and of state.
My God believes in free will

As I walk by you, I make eye contact.
We start talking.

As I'm about to leave, you do something.
Something that shatters my soul, makes me cringe.

You smile.

At first, I'm happy.
But then it clouds over.

Suddenly, I feel different;
Feel thousands of things at once.

Like Pain.

The pain's cold like ice,
But it burns like flame.

I've slipped in a puddle of emotions,

Mind if I corrupt you?, she said
And my mind switched to black and white
It became night time in a big city full of lights and rain
And she took a drag on her cigarette, then tossed the butt into the gutter
Where the lipstick-stained filter fizzled into darkness.

Not at all, I said
And I mentally adjusted my fedora,
Removing a lighter from my coat pocket

Dive

One tentative step
Cut through the misty fog

The internal battle rages

“Why am I doing this?”
“It’s the only way out.”

I look forward,
See a circle of people.
In the middle, a young girl;
A wheelchair is on the ground near her,
It's been pushed over.
Everyone's screaming at her.
Laughing at her.
No one stops them.
No one cares.
She's trying hard to keep back her tears.
Then, someone speaks to me,
Tells me to join in.
I know that if I refuse they'll hurt me, too.
So I join their game.

If I knew how to be you
I wouldn't need to be me

If you knew how I wish I was you
You wouldn't need to be you

If you would tell me what chases away your beautiful smile
I wouldn't need to wonder

If I could tell you what is wrong here
You wouldn't need to wonder

If you would tell me that you loved me
and I could tell you that I think about you
and everyone else didn't care

When the conscious thought hit to continue a forced habit of smoking cigarettes
It was because of you,
the lazy bored look in your eyes that got me hooked.
You were beautiful in a way that only the arrogant can be.

And when we chain smoked in the grass
Cancer breeding white, curly q’s
Of a kissing breath—
Well, I thought that I could maybe
Fall in love

With you.

****
Would u dive in? Are u ready to sink in my world?
It’s unsafe, and nothing is sure here.
I aint complicated, but I suppose that’s how things look like.
You look fine, really fine. Would you mind taking a peep in my life?
You might even like it here.
When you read my story, u’ll laugh and mostly cry,
To the things I still ask, “Why?”

though i can't see your beatiful face
i feel without u, id fall from grace

the feel of your skin i have yet to know
but when i see you've written me it makes my heart glow

you make me look to the future with hope in my eyes
between us so far there have been no lies

we talk to eachother almost everynight
it's u who makes me look at the world in a new light

this poem has some beautiful imagery or so I was told...
what do you think....feedback always welcome...!

written on 4/25/2006

The Loon

You’re watching me
your eyes as clear as the ocean blue
I drift over the calm water in a solid wooden canoe
I watched the birds over head as they flew
knowing soon I would hear you
the call of a loon
the silver light of the full moon