Today was a good day, a step forward, or backward depending on how you look at it.

Talked to someone on here last night(you know who you are) and I feel bad that I didn't get to them again today, but we will talk again! You were awesome, and picked me up from a pretty tough spot, whether or not you know it.
Kudos to you, my wonderwoman. :)

Also, did some art today, nothing I would consider myself proud of. But I broke out my pastels again, and played with some boards. Mostly color, and texture experimentation, but that's all I can really do with pastels and clay board anyway.

I looked at community colleges, since that's really all I'm able to get into right now. It's a bit late in the year for me to apply. But I'll be working soon enough, and so, next year I'm going to try for it.

While I was working on my art, I had a piece of pastel board, 5 x 7 or so, and I wrote a very shoddy poem on top of the art on it.

But between that, and just taking a break from that fantasy I was living in, I feel..
Very good. I got to talk to my handsome, long distance boy, the boy who makes my heart pound.

We had fun.

Today was a good day.

I really did not think that I would be posting again so quickly after my last. I have not even gone a day, since I mentioned what I planned to do.

But evidently just taking that step, to realize what I was feeling. What I needed to do..

Discovering myself, and what I want to do.

It came around, I broke down. My fantasy reality even came crashing down, it feels kind of like my world is spinning.

I wanted to start over, there. In that virtual world, and I realized, in order to do that. I needed to start over in my head, to rethink where I was going.

I love him, to pieces. I love my Cuban, long distance, beautiful boyfriend.
But I know, inside that I'll probably never get him. I need to get moving in my real life, that life that has been put on hold, as I sit back and watch the waves crash on by.

I don't know where I will go, but I need to explore my options, fuck some things up that don't matter, and grow into someone I like.

So..

I'm thinking about art school.

~ZP

P.S. Yeah that was really confusing, and I'm sure totally uninformative. But I just sorta let my mind run away with itself(crying tends to do that.)

Introduction posts are lame. But I'm probably lame using the word itself. So screw it.
I'm not going to tell you my name, how old I am, or anything about me straight up. Part of discovering someone is learning who they are without being told. Someone can say "I'm fun to be around, and I like to think that I'm funny." but everything is perspective, pain, love, and humor, are. For sure.

I like to write, but in my opinion I do it badly. Poetry, fiction, you name it.

I created this journal, because I find myself in a place of waiting, and quite frankly my life is drab. I want to rediscover myself, my writing, and my dreams.

This is going to be a long journey, and I'm not sure where it will end.

~ZP