So I help cater weddings. Usually we just do the reception but this couple wanted to get married on the beach which we just happen to be on a beach. Me and another girl I work with were talking as we were watching the wedding from upstairs. She asked me if I ever wanted to get married. Well to advoid the akwardness of comming out, I said hopefully.
I had tears in my eyes. Weddings always make me cry. I was thinking about walking down the aisle to see my beautiful bride (or groom) and just thinking about how many people paved the way so I could be happily married to a woman I love so much.
I was thinking about whatever happens i just want to be happy
one day I will be
but not now, I dont want to setle down
I just want to have fun and see where the wind takes me

don't you hate when one day youre in the top of the world, nothing can hurt you, and then in 5 minutes, it all goes down hill?
yep thats what happend to me
I was seeing a guy, he was sweet, we met over the internet, and talked for hours everynight. Things were going great. I would wake up after not getting many hours of sleep b/c I was talking to him all night, and feel like singing! He made me feel great, I felt special.
After a few great weeks of really getting to know him, I wasnt getting last night calls, no cute text messages during work, nothing. I was getting worried. We both agreed to an open realtionship seeing that we live 3 hours aways. He told my that he wasnt going to look for anyone but if opportunity knocks he was going to take it.
well it did
I cant get too upset b/c I agreed to it, Im just hurt.
I feel very vulerable, i just feel like Im never going to be in a comitted relationship. My longest relationship was 5 months, now granted Im only 18 but COME ON!!! I need some love!

* on a happy note, while I was getting my morning smoothie, the girl making it was really cute! :)*

Its confortable in this closet. I feel safe, but i cant help but to think that honesty is the best policy. I feel like I'm living a lie but I just want to make sure that this really me. I think some of my friends have an idea but I havent decied to tell them yet. I am finshing my last couple days of high school and I didnt want ti come out during high scool. People can be mean and I didnt want that to be my only indentity. I want to be comfortable with myself and if people are going to be cruel then how can I be comfortable?

I have came out to some of my very close friends and the reactions have been great, Those I have told have been very accepting and I know that they have my back. I have only had one person who was not really feeling it. I was in a relationship with this guy and I told him that I was Bi and he couldnt handle it, we broke up. It made me feel horrible that he wouldnt accept me. But then I took a step back and said, "If this guy cant accept me for who I am then why am I with him?" So now I feel liberated and ready for figure out who my real friends are!

One chilly February morning I woke up that I would every morning and try to figure out what my dream meant. I have a very colorful imagination!
But as I sat in bed and thought about my dream. i dreamt about my very good friend and I making out and being together as a lesbian couple and it made me feel good. I was shocked. All I could thick about was "what does this mean?" "Am I Gay?" "What would other people think?" So then It was straight to the phone where I called my best gay friend Matt. He has been out for a couple of years and he is also the president of our GSA at school. He really helped me figure out if it just was a dream or something else. He always tells me to do what I feel is right and make sure my sanity is still in tact.
My next goal was to tell my freind about my dreams. This part I wasnt looking foward to. I know that she is bi but I wasnt sure what she would think. So one night we had a sleepover and I told all! I told her that I was bi-courious and I will never forget what she said "Thats cool!" I felt awsome! so we spent the rest of the night talking about it. We are both in the same boat which made me feel a whole lot better.
Now I'm trying to accept myself as who I really am. Thats why i called this "Bi-sexual Barbie" I think you can figure out the bi part but the Barbie part is very special. I am such a girly girl! I love getting my hair done and I love mani pedis. but that doesnt mean I cant be bi! I hate streotypes that say all bi or lesbians are butch or goth. and I dont fit any of that! I just love being me no matter the sexual orientation!