Earlier I said that I thought I was over S.
I WAS WRONG.
SO COMPLETELY WRONG.
My life is now more complicated. Once again.

Life isn't better.
I've been noticing guys more and more, and it drives me crazy how they're probably not gay, and that I'd have no chance.
I wish there was some kind of way to tell immediately.
I mean, would it be possible?

Also scared to death of the LHC.
I don't care about why gravity is weak,
or why there's more matter than antimatter;
Well, I guess I do care, but I don't think it's worth the risk.
I know CERN's insisting it's safe, but I don't really believe them.

Also, there's a lingering box saying that I have 2 new private messages,
but when I check my inbox, there are none :\
Any reason for this?

Something random about myself...
One of my biggest fears in murky water. The lack of not being able to see around you, and the general unknown of deep-water life.
I noticed this, probably, when I was smaller and playing Zelda 64 .
The water temple creeped me out.
My biggest fear is death.
Not really because of my wanting to live, but rather the fact that everyone would see me as that happy, cheery, good student that was optimistic and friendly. They wouldn't know who I was, and people will just be wasting their time, doing something useless.
~DesuCake

So school started on the 2nd
It was a happy day; I met all kinds of people I'd missed.
I'm in the same class as my best friends, I got the locker right outside my class, My teacher marks easily etc.
And, seeing S., I guess I'm over him.
He doesn't seem special or perfect or anything.
Just not important anymore.
It's been hard to find time to post recently.
Hope to have a great year
~DesuCake

"He just fell hard while riding his bike, that's all," Karen, 26 years old, explains to the doctor. She's holding her eight-year-old son, Daniel, by his hand tightly. His left arm has a hairline fracture, and is in a sling. Daniel remains quiet as his mother talks about him always falling, always dropping things, always getting into school fights. The doctor hands her a bottle of painkillers and sends her on her way. To everyone else in the clinic, Daniel and Karen seem like a normal mother and son, but to these two, they are everything but.
Daniel's father, and Karen's current boyfriend of nine years, Justin, had met Karen at a New Year's party when he was 18. He had been a shy person for the majority of his life, and Karen had been just like him. They quickly got into a serious relationship, and Karen, 17, soon became pregnant.
Daniel had been a happy, healthy baby. He had no problem growing like a normal child. Karen dropped school to take care of him, supported by her parents, while Justin went on to college. He started talking right after his second birthday, and was a perfect child- that is, until a small-scale college party changed his life. Neither Karen nor Daniel attended the party; only Justin had. And there, he was introduced to crack.
Karen sighs as she stares out the front window. She waits some more, and finally passes by Justin- 4 hours late. She rushes out to meet him, but he just stumbles past her. As he climbs the porch steps, he faints and falls back.

Finally passed >.>
It was so hard supporting that stupid 10 pound brick.
Apparently I've got to support a 20 pound brick next course >.>
Only 5 more courses + 4 years till I can make money off of this.
Wondering though, Should I take life guarding or instructing?
Suggestions appreciated.
~DesuCake

A lot's happened since I last posted.
After my last post, I finally went to pick up my parts; It took a day to build my computer, which didn't work, and then the rest of the week to figure out I missed the LPT cable >.>
This computer's a lot faster, and has better internet connection, Hooray!

After that I headed off to summer camp.
I got into the same room as my friend, cousin and also some other random guy.
I had a lot of fun.
My courses were fun, I took breakdancing, this race thing, this wierd medicinal thing and negotiation.
It was... weird at night.
The people in my room talked about all sorts of awkward things.
Regardless, It couldn't have been much better.

It's harder to post now since my computer is now located in a really open space, with my dad's across from me (I moved here to connect directly to the modem instead of using wireless).
I'm done for now,
~DesuCake

I know I said I'd have a class about now, but it was really vague for what I signed up for- when I got there, turns out it was remedial English, so I'm not going there anymore, hooray!
So anyway, back to the guy I was talking about yesterday (I'll refer to him as J), he's 2 years older than me, and probably the person that made me firmly recognize my sexuality.
I had become friends with a classmate of mine, who's sister was 2 years older, and I became friends with her and eventually a few of her friends.
J was one of these.
He's really funny, jokes around a lot; he also knows when to be serious.
He's tends to be calm, I've never seen him angry.
I started crushing on him within 4 months of meeting him, both for his personality and his looks, and only stopped about 3 months ago, and know he's off to high school, so I won't see him for 3 years.
I'll definitely miss him, he was like an older-brother type person.
Good bye, J.

~DesuCake

So today was Canada day.
It was fun.
We went out to eat and then went to this big town-wide event
There were fireworks at 10:00, I got there at 8:30, so for and hour and a half I walked around.
There were cheap fairground rides, didn't go on many.
I saw a bunch of people there I knew
Including the hawt Gr8 that i mentioned a couple of entries ago.
He's nice, I'll tell the whole story about him later, I'm sleepy for now.
Then we saw fireworks, a whole bunch, for like half an hour.
It was awesome.
Well, gotta go shower and sleep, tomorrow I have some program at 9 am, so I'll update tomorrow about 1 pm?

~DesuCake

It's summer vacation!~
Got my report card back to day.
It was decent- all A's except for Gym, which was a B+ TT_TT
School's over.
Today was a pretty fun last day, cleaned up, played around.
But gosh it was sad watching the Grade 8's leave.
It'll be 3 years till I'll be in high school with them~
I wanted so bad to just make out with S. before school ended, but I didn't.
At least I have next year.

Today our school's Band played for the grade 8's.
Although the main reason I joined this band was to get into the Graduation ceremony.
Tomorrow's the last day of school~
Anyway, it was really fun, playing for them, watching them get awards, but it was really sad knowing that I won't see them for 2 years, and some of them I'd never see again.
One of the grade 8's, who I'm also friends with, was so hawt dressed up and stuff >.<
We also had a party today.
I made cookies.
They were good.

~DesuCake

School's ending on Thursday.
And Thursday's a half day.
Summer's gonna suck.
At first I was happy; Now I'm sad.
I don't know how I'm gonna deal without S.
He's so perfect.

The only consolation is that I get to go a summer camp.
10 days away from my parents~Hooray!~
I'll get to see my best friend- who, this year in December, changed schools to a boarding school pretty far away from where I live, so that'll be nice.

School this year was both wonderful and soul-crushing.
So many things have happened.
I'm less happy, in general,
But I've grown closer to some of my friends- most are now further away.
I hope I'll be in S.' class next year, but I will miss the people in Grade 8.
They're so nice;
I trust them.

So I went over to S.' to finish a project.
Our third group member wasn't there, so it was just me and him.
There were constantly uncomfortable silences, which were, luckily, mostly broken by his younger brother.
It felt really awkward, because I found myself wanting to do things to him I know I shouldn't.
Although we're pretty good friends by now I guess.
I have no intent on telling him before the school year ends, though
He's so cute when he blushes~
I'm happy~

I finally finished Chinese School for the year ~_~
It's so annoying.
I'm really bad at speaking Chinese, and can hardly read/write it, but my parents insist on "learning a new language" and also insist to put me in the faster class.
My marks were pretty bad, B-/C+'s.
It's finally over

Also, while walking into the high school where these classes are held, next to the raised floor to the door, I spotted a day of silence card with a string near the top. The string was unfrayed, the card pretty white, so I guessed that it was pretty new. Walking in, I realized that the day of silence was like a month ago. It made my day anyway, though, to know that there are LGBT rights activists in my community.

I've always been more feminine.
And because of that, I'm apparently "Gay"
I know I am, but I don't think that being feminine makes someone gay.
School REALLY sucks for me.
The LGBTQQ stereotypes are really annoying and hurtful- things like people haven't shown affection to the opposite sex yet, and therefor they're gay, or People being lesbian just because they use the term "I love you" to another female.
There are so many random, unrelated, stereotypes that people make up to hurt people and fit in.
I'm starting to think they just take random qualities of people and label it as gay.