fun stuff. so the title is totally cooler than is entry is gonna be.

but so i went over to hilde's to study science shit for the final tomorrow. oh, and leslie came too [she kept us focused. xD] so we ate pizza played ping-pong and actually studied? wtf? haha. and then we went out on hilde's roof and played her guitar. leslie took pictures. hilde pwned me at acoustic. and i tried teaching her some electric stuff. 2 NOTES! yeesh...epic fail much...haha. but yeah it was rad. =]

yeah...so my ex and her BF broke up. she IMs me and goes 'yeah...so im never dating guys again. enough with the penis. the end' and i was just like...uhm yeah...i kind of knew that wouldnt last long [so you can ignore my last blog somewhat...] XD and so i started laughing...good thing it was over IM or she may have killed me for laughing...

okay, well, maybe she isnt completely straight. maybe she's just bi. but...whatever. either way, she's got a boyfriend. wonderful. now its just so damn awkward. because im friends with her boyfriend and im just like 'so...uhm....hi....yeah....whats up? *awkward turtle*' gah. i dunno. i guess it just kind of bugs me. im not quite sure why. maybe i just feel a tad worthless, you know? maybe its just that she's moving on? i should too actually...

so she comes into spanish class and sits in front of me as usual. class hasnt started yet, so she turns around and goes 'so i dont know if bobby told you, but uhm....him and i are going out now. i dont know how exactly that happened, but we are.' so im just like 'what the fuck, i thought you were gay?' except, i didnt say that. i just said 'huh, cool.' except...actually trying to sound semi-interested? idk....blah.

So there was this show at the grange last night [which is this local, shitty, rundown place that has shows every friday and saturday]. It started out with Leslie and I getting there frantically trying to figure out where our tickets went. Then we found them and went in. Racing Kites! kicked off the show. I'd never heard of them before. However, they came on and their guitarist [Matt] looked really really really familiar and it turns out he works at this place I buy clothes at all the time [I went up to their merch table and talked with him for a little bit afterwards]. Haaha. I was trying to get a look at his wrist to see his xXx tattoo [amazing what I recognize people by, right? It kind of made me feel like a stalker....], then I saw it and I was like ZOMG I've met that guy. XD. So yeah. They got everyone all riled up for the rest of the bands and put on a great set themselves. GO FUCKING CHECK THEM OUT NOW!!!! http://www.myspace.com/racingkites

2nd band up was Sing It Loud. They were awesome. I've never heard of them either, but it turns out I really got into them. Their music is really cool and up-beat and stuff. They're great live too. For some reason I have nothing else to say....so....CHECK THEM OUT. http://www.myspace.com/singitloud

Next there was FAREWELL! Which is who I went to see. My voice died from screaming the lyrics so loud. hahaha. Lots of jumping around and such during that one. Afterwards they all went to their merch table at the back and hung out there for a little. I got my shirt signed, high-fived their guitarist for planning on seeing them on warped tour, and got a free poster that was supposed to be a dollar. XD So they are quite amazing. =] You should check them out too: http://www.myspace.com/farewell

And then there was Every Avenue. They sound kind of like Fall Out Boy, except better and less annoying. And they don't have Pete Wentz. haha. I got their CD for 2 bux off which was really cool. I asked the merch guy how much the CD was and he was all 'It's 7 bux' and I was like 'Aww, I only have 5.' so I got it for 2 bux off. They put on a sick set also. Check them out also? http://www.myspace.com/everyavenue

Then to close out a great night of great bands, Hit The Lights came on. Everyone had come to see them. There was tons of energy and a half-assed mosh pit, which I'm a bit sore from. A lot of people were trying to get up front, there were a few stage dives and some crowdsurfing. some guy jumped on me trying to get to the mic. hahaha. So all in all they had an amazing set. Too bad they were sold out of CDs. You're also going to check them out: http://www.myspace.com/hitthelights

So thats the end. Great show, amazing bands, and I'm in pain, the sign of a good show. =]

so for x-mas my dad bought this vinyl-to-digital converter thing. we've been planning on converting his vinyl for about a year and we just got to it today. 1 record took us[okay well...kind of mostly me, he just set things up and made sure i didnt break/scratch his record] all day to edit/record. i still have to burn it to CD and such...but it was really cool. i officially have to go out and buy my OWN vinyl. [in 2008 a 15 year old kid buying vinyl, imagine that. XD] ahhh so yeah. i had fun today. this is my project for the summer. convert all my dad's vinyl to digital.

the other thing is, is that his music doesnt suck. i mean, he's got the beatles [like everyone else in the universe], ac/dc, pink floyd, john lennon, simon & garfunkel, the who, led zepplin, etc. its so awesome to just like...see that not on CD and have like...the original vinyl there. idk. im being a dork. =]

actually just maybe uninformed? i dont know. but my friend sean and i were debating over the day of silence. you know like, is it good, is it bad, what better ways to get people to notice. and this is the end of class, so my teacher overhears us and goes "i hear you talking politics, whats the subject?' [because we were also debating over the election a little.] and so i told her it was the day of silence. and she goes 'okay...' and i asked her if she actually knew what the DOS was, and she goes 'a bunch of kids being silent for a day' and so i proceeded to explain to her what that meant/stood for etc. and she's like 'honey, they dont kill people for that anymore, we're in america.' and at that point i was just fed up with the day of silence because this happened on monday and i was still kind of mad about what happened to the DOS at my school [read last entry....]. so anyways, i just stopped and kind of threw my hands in the air like 'lady, shut up, that doesnt matter.' and then i was sitting in my next class and i was thinking about it. and i then i realized, i forgot to point out lawrence king to her. i mean, that was TWO MONTHS ago. shit like that does still happen in america. ugh. i just wish people would actually like...realize the whole issue here. >_<

so i've noticed my recent posts are kind of aggravated rants....hmph.

okay, so the day of silence at cab kind of pisses me off. because it just turns into a contest and a joke and shit like that. even one of my gay friends was trying to get me to talk [and then i slapped him and hilde explained why people weren't talking] nobody seems to get the fact that the silence is basically symbolizing all of the people who cant speak up or have have been silenced because of who they are. its not necessarily about just gay marriage as most people think that is the limit. but more like bringing awareness to what happens when people don't talk, what happens when a person is there, but cant be who they are. its about the struggle in society to be accepted about the struggle gay people have daily in getting by. its about the history too, seeing what's happened in the past and how that effects us today, and how that has/hasn't changed. how in some places people are still killed for being who they cant help being. it isn't about some contest to just not talk[which is what it turns into...] it definitely goes deeper than that. gah...I'm kind of frustrated.

one of my friends thinks that straight people shouldn't do the DOS. i think they should be able to. even if they haven't had to live by that. not the retarded ones in for the contest. kids like my friend jacob [this real rad kid who is kind of irrelevant to this rant] who actually know what it is, what it symbolizes.

i kind of half did the DOS....like at times i would forget that im not talking, so i would talk. or if i had to talk. and i was on the fence about being silent all day anyways....meh. welll thats pretty much it.

though, a cool thing was that hilde wrote 'honk for gay rights' on my back and this girl on my softball team walks up to me and goes 'HONK!' and i was like 'what the fuck?' and she was like 'your back...' and i was like 'OH! i forgot about that.' xD it was cool. ahahah.

so, this past week an organization called 'to write love on her arms' [TWLOHA] broke the news that they were going to sell their black title shirt in Hot Topic stores around the US. This happened to have very mixed reactions. mine comes from both sides [okay, so my initial reaction was WHAT THE FUCK TWLOHA!!!! but now its all kind of okay...]. some supporters say that TWLOHA sold out and will only be known as an [even more?] 'emo' organization. while others think this is quite amazing and will spread the word.

the blog on this is here: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=61976377...



the TWLOHA story/website is here : www.twloha.com



my response to this below:

after reading this, it kind of changed my view on the whole 'selling through HT' thing. while still trying to grasp that people actually are going to be informed about the story/organization when they buy a shirt, i still kind of dislike it. some of the more ehm...'preppy' kids may just view it as even more 'emo' because they are sold through HT. and i read one of the comments that said something along the lines of asking kids what TWLOHA is if they're wearing the shirt and talking to them about it, and if they don't know what it is, informing them. so at least if TWLOHA just becomes 'cool' because of this, at least by talking to the kid they'll know what the shirt really stands for and [hopefully] realize that the shirt isn't the entire depth of TWLOHA and that it goes much deeper than just a few words on a t-shirt. that wearing that shirt is like wearing your heart on your sleeve [or chest, or back, or side...] and that it stands for hope and love and community and open conversation and the response to that and screaming your voice as loud as you can to anyone who will listen. and after talking to that kid who just thought it was 'cool' to wear that shirt, that maybe they'll think different. maybe it was their story too, maybe they'll support it, maybe they won't, but at least they'd know what it was. much love. <3 you are in no way a sellout. i don't see how you could be a sellout.

-kat.

So....the relatives just left. My cousin is pretty much a douche...well, she can be anyways. I mean she was talking about how her friend sent her this video of two guys in bed together, and she tells me about this. She was like, "It was funny, but it was really gross. It was disturbing and sick." or some combination of those words... I was trying so hard to not smack her upside the head. UGH.[None of the fam. knows I'm gay yet. Yet...]

And then just as the family was leaving and everyone was getting their coats out of the closet my dad goes, "Just come out of the closet, that's what we do here." and I just about DIED of laughter. Unfortunately, I was the only one who got it, or maybe just the only one who found it funny. It was just the way he said it....XD.

So I had a pretty gay Easter. Food was good too. =]

Oh yeah, happy Easter to everyone...even if you don't celebrate Easter.

Frankly, even if you don't love the song itself, you have to appreciate the lyrics.

Sadly the band didn't make an official video for the song, but this is the best quality I could find.[Yes, I did make it uber tiny, it's just images of the band, don't freak]

Lyrics:
Holding close my secrets
Naked broken pieces
-from the madness in what you do
The fingers point right back at you
What about my problems?
The people try to solve them
I guess I’m under the weather...
Since no one else belongs here, with me

Chorus
Hello mother,
Some news for you:)
I’m really not that crazy.
Hello father,
I'm curious?
Why you think there's something wrong with me.

Sunday I cried all night...
And it hurt so bad
But if you try to understand--

This is who I am.

Second Verse
Color coated sweetness
Swords beneath my clean dress
I'm making sense of shattered dreams
Because I want you to be proud of me
What about my problems?
The people try to solve them?
I guess i’m under the weather
Since no one else belongs here with me....

^'We Are Pilots' - Shiny Toy Guns
=]

So I made this promise to myself that if my GF and I made it to six months together, and still going strong, I'd tell my parents. However...this is harder than expected; mainly because I didn't expect us to last this long. My personal deadline is in about two weeks. I guess my parents will accept it, not understand it, but accept it as much as they can. I'm braced for the worst though, I'm not deaf to horrible coming out stories. Ah, *sigh*. All except for one of my friends has been okay with it. [That was the one that hurt the most...my 'best friend' since first grade. However, if she's willing to drop me as a friend because I like girls...she's not much of a friend anyways.] I've blown the coming out to my parents so many times already...I have to do it now...besides, I can't stand them not knowing. [Even though I never talk to them about relationships...like ever.] *sigh* I guess things will play out as they do...two weeks left...

AHHH so. Tomorrow comes the dreaded last day of the DSTP [Delaware State/Student Testing Program a.k.a. Dumb Stupid Torture Program] and for those of you who don't live in DE...just think of it as midterms or something of the sort. Tomorrow we get the OH SO FUCKING WONDERFUL stand-alone prompt. Which since I like to write, that shouldn't be bad, right? COMPLETELY WRONG. Persuasive writing. ICK. Not to mention the prompt is always stupid. PAST PROMPTS: 'what makes a best friend and why' 'who is your favorite family member and why' 'the school district is thinking about taking away ice-cream from the cafeteria, do you support this'. Those 3 prompts have been recycled for YEARS. ENOUGH ALREADY, GIVE US A GOOD PROMPT! *sigh*

Dirty little skank. Thank you. Ex-boyfriends are dumb. This happened quite a while ago. 5 months ago I think? I told him I had a girlfriend. His reaction was shock. Later that day on AIM he told me that because I was bi, I could have both a GF & a BF [since he still tries to get me to go out with him two year later...asshole.]. I told him that that would never happen and that I wouldn't do that to her. He still tries. My friendship with him is coming to an end. Ever since I came out to him he just views me as a slut. So I guess I was thinking about this...JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS BISEXUAL DOESN'T MEAN THEY HAVE TO BE A SLUT. Jesus. The end?

Yes, I happen to be quite aware the time changed about two days ago, but still. Seriously, whose bright idea was it to mindfuck people with a change in time. Apparently it's supposed to conserve energy; I think that's a bunch of shit [unless someone comes up with statistics that prove differently]. I mean, instead of using electricity at night, people are just going to use it in the morning. Just for this, you have to like reset your whole biological clock and for me, that could take weeks.

I kind of wish I had insomnia so I wouldn't have to worry about things like sleep. But, at the same time, I don't because not being able to sleep would really suck.

End.

[rant]i used to hate school dances. then i went to one. it was fun, so i went to more. then i got to highschool. and now they suck. at least at my school anyways...the DJ was bad. like. horrible. i mean i dont listen to rap or hiphop much at all but i mean usually i pick stuff up from the bus ride home. at this dance the two best songs of the night were 'thriller' and 'the cha cha slide' >.< and did i mention my girlfriend got all pissed off because the music was bad and she wanted to dance? oh and about how i cant dance. im like *pointy finger dance* the end. and she's all like 'let loose dance!' and im like uhm...i cant dance i hate this music. except i didnt tell her i hated the music. and so then she decided to leave an hour early. >.< so...i kinda just wandered around for a while. i refuse to go to another dance. ever. however afterwards i went over to my friend house and made purple waffles and watched buffy the vampire slayer til like 1AM. and then we woke up. and made blue waffles. did i mention they were REALLY YUMMY waffles? also that i kept calling them PANCAKES? yeah...im smart. =] and then...we went outside in the rain. and it was fucking pouring. and we got soaked. and im using periods way too much. haha. oops. and then...her friend came over...and then we all watched more buffy. and then i went home. and...now im sitting here ranting pathetically about how much school dances suck. =] except i went way off topic...oh! and then i was hailing but for like 2 minutes. and then on the way home there was a tree blocking the road. >.< and there was a stoplight that was out too. gah. delaware FAILS in bad weather. yeah. so...the end? [/rant]