my basement is a mess right now... and why? well it all started on tuesday afternoon. about 10 minutes after i arrived at my house after walking home from the bus, it started raining really HARD. i was all "yeah, i didn't get caught in the rain," smugly. i went down to my room [which is in the basement... BTW it's a nice, modern, finished basement.] i heard this strange sound, like rushing water... i'm all "hmmm, what's that sound?" then i realized that water was pouring in from the windowsill! it was coming in from under the windows and rushing down the wall. it was like niagara falls. my laptop [which was on my desk, right under the window] got splashed! i immediately pulled her away. i had to protect my baby. but she's okay. anyway, water had also poured in through all 3 other basement windows: the one in my bathroom, the one in the furnace room, and the worst was the one in the T.V. area. the carpet was like a lake. we had to move all the furniture... we had to use like 20 towels to soak up what we could... my dad had to rip up the pretty carpet... we set up fans and heater and dehumidifiers and shit... and i had to evacuate up to my sister's room on the top floor to sleep [but she's at overnight camp, so it's cool]. i believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. a few weeks ago i was actually involved in a discussion about this with a modern-orthodox rabbi, which was interesting. what i am now thinking is: so back in the day G-d flooded the earth to punish the people for being bad... so maybe G-d sent us the little flood to punish me for watching too much porn or being too much of a slacker, or to punish my mom for all those times she was a cunt to me. heheh, who knows...

my crush looked really hot today... as usual. she has a thing for wearing skin-tight clothes [which is awesome, because she has a PERFECT body and nothing to hide]. today it was a little wife-beater tank and a sexy pair of dark skinny-jeans. i can't decide if i like her better in her skintight jeans or her skin-tight short-shorts. the way she dresses, she's putting her tits and her tummy and her ass and her thighs on display for public consumption. i don't know if she realizes how sexy she looks, and if she does, i don't know who she's trying to impress. but if she's not totally clueless, she has to realize that at our university [especially in our psychology class which is almost 100% female] and also in the general public, it's not only gonna be guys who are gonna check her out. any chick with a pulse would realize her attractiveness... and any bi chick with a pulse would realize that pulse getting a bit faster.

anyway, the tanktop she was in was a little short, and when she was sitting next to me thruout class there was a sliver of the silky skin of her side/hip exposed... and good G-d i wanted to touch it so fucking bad, just put my arm around her waist... argh! she smelled so good. the only part of her body i have ever touched is her hair [her perfect fucking hair... i am still jealous of it], and we hugged briefly a couple times [which doesn't even count cuz it was for like a second]. i want more i want more i want MORE. i want to hold her in my arms and just... bask in her sweet, delicate femininity. i want to hold her face in my hands, my fingers in her hair, kiss her and whisper in her ear how beautiful she is. i want her to kiss me back. i want to carefully peel off those clothes and see her in her bra and panties. i want to be naked with her. i need to feel her naked against me. i want to take my time and slowly worship her whole body and make her feel like a sexy goddess. i want to make her wet. i need to taste her...

G-d, this craving needs to go away or i will get more nuts than i already am! yikes. but she is actually sooo clueless. i mean, she didn't even realize that i have a nose-piercing until today, and we've seen eachother at least twice a week for about 3 weeks [and my stud isn't even that small!]. she herself told me she is not very observant. well yeah, i think she is just really into herself and too wrapped up in her own stupid shit to notice what i'm doing. about half the times i text her, she doesn't text me back. it makes me sad when i feel like she is ignoring me, even though in person she is pretty nice and talkative to me. honestly, i think she is kind of a selfish and shallow girl who just lives in her own world. i mean, she has a perfect body and dresses amazingly well... but it kinda seems like that's all she has going for her. she does okay in school, i mean she's not a total ditz. but she doesn't have any skills or interests. she doesn't do music, art, acting, or sports. she doesn't do any writing, or even much reading. she doesn't like animals. she doesn't like old people. she doesn't have a job. she doesn't even volunteer. i think she is kind of spoiled. i think all that she cares about is shopping, looking good, and partying with her friends. that's not what i'm like at ALL, and that's not what my friends are like... and to tell u the truth i am actually kinda disgusted by people like that. and now i'm just frustrated by her and not getting what i want from her. and what do i really want? i want her to let me see the REAL her, the girl beneath the outer surface. she has a special charm, and that's what draws me to her, and sometimes i see a glimpse of the cute, quirky girl that she seems to be on the inside. i just wish she would... i dunno, trust me? i mean, there was that time when she told me that she's a virgin and that it's a secret. i mean, i didn't ask her "are u a virgin" or anything, she just volunteered that information. it's not that i think she would feel the need to lie to me or anything, but at this point i just think she is kinda sketchy. whatver, i will give her the benefit of the doubt. i just want to know if we could really be friends... i want to know if i'm more to her than just someone she uses for attention at school so she doesn't have to feel lonely.