okay, so if u have read any of my journal entries u may have noticed that they often contain some erotic content. i am a very sex-positive person. this basically means that i believe people should be free to express and/or experience their sexual desires and/or issues [as long as it's not hurting anybody else or taking away anybody's free will]. sex can be a very good and healthy part of one's life, and i don't think people need to have so much fear and anxiety and shame around it.

but i really did not used to be like this... at all. i used to be so prude and so scared. i also used to have really bad body image and self-image in general, because i used to be chubby and i also used to cut myself. those were not fun times. basically i was really ashamed of my body and my sexuality. i didn't want anyone to see me naked because i felt gross. i was uncomfortable and clueless about my pussy. i was pretty ignorant about sex in general, and i thought it would be painful and gross. and i was in the closet about being attracted to girls and i was very fucked up over that.

i was what u would call a late bloomer. i didn't get naked with a dude or have oral sex until i was almost 18. i didn't figure out how to masturbate and make myself orgasm until i was 18. i didn't actually enjoy sexual activity with anyone until i was 20. i didn't start watching porn until i was 21, which was this year. anyway, thru all my dating experiences... i learned a lot. i learned that: i don't have to be scared, that as long as i communicate with my partners [and am with partners who communicate] it's cool, that i get aroused by certain porn and erotica, that i'm bisexual, and that's okay. i learned that sometimes i like the sweet romantic lovemaking with someone i care about, where u whisper "ur so beautiful" and "i love u" and stuff. but i also like the rougher more porno-style fucking, and that's what really gets me hot and gets me off, and i need that sometimes. i like being talked dirty to. when someone i'm getting erotic with calls me dirty, naughty, a bad girl, a slut, or a bitch... it makes me feel good. i'm not a particularly promiscuous person, but when i'm in a sexual situation, i guess u could say i'm a slut with the person i'm with. this means that i enjoy sex. unfortunately women who enjoy sex used to be called sluts as a derogatory term, but i guess i am reclaiming that in some way. it's all about the context. if someone came up to me in public and called me a slut, i would not like that at all.

i think that if more people were more comfortable with their own sexuality, there would be less homophobia, because people wouldn't feel so threatened by other people's sexuality.