what's happened to you, amory blaine?
fucking boys
with personalities
like the melted butter
you almost burned
because you can't cook for shit
but you're learning, amory blaine
just what it's all about
and life is looking up
just turn out the light
personalities don't glow in the dark.

so, i've decided.
i'm going to seduce stoner because i wrote down that i wanted to room with him during our school trip. i'm nervous though.
what if it gets around?
i don't want to lose what i've worked so hard to gain.
i don't want people to call me a slut.
i'm not i'm not i'm fucking not!
god.
i don't even like him that much! i hate his personality, but i really want to fuck him. but then i know it will get around and it's just too much to deal with. and i know how antigone will feel. antigone is my best friend forever since second grade. she'll be disappointed in me, as she should be. but ughhh. arrrg.

i talked to starbucks boy :]
he's sweet and smart and confident and has a job (obviously) and he's everything i'd want in a boyfriend.
so, maybe it'll work out?
i might ask him.
should i ask him tonight?
i think i should wait... what if he's into hard drugs?
that'd be quite a plot twist. he's told me he smokes pot every once in a while, but that didn't really bother me much.
for my mother he's my "friend from camp". well, he's my friend from camp's best friend, so it's not that far of a stretch. no, wait, scratch that. i told her the truth about that. go me!!!
i'm listening to allen ginsberg.

when can i go into the supermarket and buy what i need with my good looks?