Coming out in a letter?
I've got a situation here that I would appreciate any help I can get on it.
Now my dad and I have never really been close and like I've said before I'm not his favorite son. My issue right now is that I've finally started looking to date other guys and I feel I need to tell my dad before I eventually bring someone home. He has anger issues at times and I can't really tell how'd he'd react if I just told him outright, I'm afraid it might end violently. So I'm throwing around the idea of writing him a letter/email telling him and just talking about some stuff that I've had problems telling him in person.
I know this sounds cowardly and I would much rather have an alternative but this is the best idea I got right now. Does anyone have any ideas on things I might want to include or maybe some alternative way to tell him?
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Just a thought...
Wouldn't a letter make him just as angry... except delay the time the anger was inflicted upon you? And it also gives the element of uncertainty and awkwardness because you know he's read the letter... but you don't actually know what he's thinking?
As for me, I think coming out personally is best because you're there to know their reaction and to 'fix' things if anything happens - instead of having the uncertainty and time for them to foster any inappropriate and negative thoughts.
But everyone has different circumstances. I respect that. Just my two cents though.
I did it in a leter
i wrote my parents a letter cause i was mad at my mother and couldn't tell her in person so i wrote a letter, my dad was fine with it and my mother was alright, she said it will take time which is better than i hoped for. If you think your dad is going to get violent then stay at a friends house for a few days or something to let him cool down, maybe call when you know he's home to find out and if he starts yelling hang up or tell him your going to give him time to talk down and you'll call later.
**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**
Time bomb ticking
Well my personal mantra right now is "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst" so I've already got a place I can go to set up in the off chance my dad does have a nervous breakdown. I just see this whole situation like defusing a bomb because if I do the wrong thing it'll just blow up in my face (Blue wire BLUE WIRE!!!) My parents believe that I'm a bad influence on my younger brother (I'm totally not, I'm a fucking saint when I'm around him) and the last thing I need right now is for me to come out to them and have them assume that my little brother's going to "Catch the gay".
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Despite all the things you may have learned, if you play with fire then you're bound to get burned
Hmmm.
Try teasing them with the idea before hand and see how they react to homosexuality. Mention someone that's gay and see there reaction. Before coming out I told my Mom that I hate children, and don't want children when I'm older, this might of eased her into the idea of me not being able to have children?
(Despite the fact that my mom will say to me how I'll never experience a love for a child which she says is beyond anything I'll ever enjoy) but hey, fuck her too.
Or do you already have a general idea of your parents mindset of gays?
I think a letter would help,
I think a letter would help, after all, anger can be expressed while he is on his own, but it won't last as long (since he won't have where to 'root' to). So yeah, just make sure he's like 20+miles away from like anyone in in your family when he reads it. Oh, and try to prepare the ground for him...
" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens
Well...
The main elements here don't change much, no matter the method:
-- You're a big 'mo.
-- Dad will react however he reacts.
So, those are the two things that are the same no matter if you tell him, mail him, send him a singing telegram, etc.
Probably time to flip the table around and start to steer the relationship with your dad instead of reacting to his lead. Once you're an adult, him being your Dad has less impact on your life. So, what relationship do you want with him? How do you want to handle him and the relationship?
If you'd rather do it in person and just let him freak while you stay calm and collected, waiting for him to calm down (basically, you act like the adult and him the spoiled kid), then do that.
Should just be about what is best for you. The upside is, if your relationship already sucks, there's only room for improvement.
---
"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.
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omg
omg a singing telegram! thats how you do it! XD lol, just dont be the one singing XD
**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**
I went the letter route, but
I went the letter route, but my mother and I aren't particularly close, and it was more of a just letting her know sort of thing.
But I also waited until I was away at college and somewhat on my own.
It really is about what you feel most comfortable doing.
I did the letter thing
I did the letter thing too...worked fine for me, as i'm not much of a person who can say things outright. However i only did the letter for my mother and step dad....not my dad yet. i think it depends on your parents. i was scared to death of telling them, but they seem alright with it.
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