well, ive always thought that i was lesbian...ive never had crushes on the opposite sex...until now.
not only is he a male, not only is he over 25, hes my chemistry teacher!

hes sexy, handsome, knows how to make me smile and laugh and he is so intelligent...thats a real turn on for me.
his dark gray eyes are so mysterious and when i look into them (as discreetly as possible) i feel my insides turning into mush...

i remember a couple weeks after school started, i had to miss school to go to the hospital (normal procedure for me) and i missed a test. so, like i would norma.lly do is stay after school to take it.
i walk into the room after fourth block (last block of the day) and walk in...he's drinking apple cider from a gallon container! i just started busting out laughing and hten he started to laugh...i love his laugh and his face when he laughs too...hes so beautiful...
so i stay after school with him and i start to take hte test in teh front row, but i feel like i cant concentrate because he and i are the only ones in the room...
he continues eating while i take my test and he starts to put on some music...salsa to be exact. i just started to giggle again because...its just so random!
while im taking the test, he asks what kinda music od you like? and i just replied, well i like the beatles. so his eyes light up and he clicks two things on the comp and hes got the beatles playing.
now we are talking about music so much and life in general, cracking jokes and just laughing out loud like we were just buddies....
i hand in the test when im done...knowing that i messed up a couple problems, but mostly due to the fact that i was talking to him the whole time!!!! actually, my score was a 68% i felt horrible when i got the grade back but at the end of the first marking period (ended today) i have an a- yay!!!
anyways...somehow we got onto the topic of me playing the piano (ive been playing the piano for 11 years) and i asked him if he knows any instruments. he said no so i offered to teach him how to read music...and he said yes!
so i went home, found one of my composing (blank sheet/staff paper) books and started writing him lessons...
i made them witty and funny and also made them a little on the elementary side...
the day after i went back into school and handed it to him and he smiled, looked at the cover... "Mr.*&@!_#'s Little Book of Musical Instruction" and i wrote in small letters..."or evil...heh heh" and drew a devil.
he grinned and told me he'd hand back his assignment next class.
so the next day taht i stayed after school for help whne he was done helping me he started to ask me questions about music and stuff like that.
i grabbed a seat right next to him at his desk and showed him what he got right and wrong...after a while he still didnt understand time signatures...i thought it was so cute!! he did understand it though when i made comparisons with chemistry...
i guess ive been a little suggestive with him...and i think he can tell that ive got a crush on him.

its jsut that i feel so happy when im around him.
i think about him all the time and i know its not realistic but i just wish we could be together...even though i know it would never happen...:-(

what i dont understand is why i have such an obsesesion about him!!
do you guys think that my bipolar disorder might have something to do with it?

~wanting the forbidden fruit...